The Award For Best Supporting Actor In A Tragedy Goes To:Me

          So basically what you’re about to read is sort of like an acceptance speech or an acceptance letter. I am accepting the fact that I am merely just a support character in people’s lives. Support characters are only there to support the main cast and are there to get some attention, but not enough to necessarily steal the spotlight from the main characters. Pretty much everyone in my life is like a lead character and I am just a minor role type of guy I might be kind of important in some episodes, but in most episodes I am in only one or two scenes per every 5th episode. I am not saying it’s a good or bad thing it’s just the way I see it. Batman has Robin, Wonder Woman has Wonder Girl, Russia has Trump, and so on. We supporting cast members can be useful at times, but only at the expense of the leading cast. You only interact with us when you feel like it or when it’s convenient to your plot.

            I understand my purpose and why I am not good enough for a lead role though. I am honestly not all that interesting and can be annoyingly judgmental some times. I am the very last name on the list of people you call for pessimist free fun. All of the leading characters in your story could die and go to hell and you would still try and save them from hell, then try and resurrect them from the dead and then maybe ask me if that still doesn’t work. You can’t depend on me to go out to the club with you every weekend and when I finally do go out you’ll have to beg me to take a shot with you even after your 20th time asking. You shouldn’t even be buying shots in the club anyway. Didn’t you just ask for an extension on your phone bill this month? See, there I go being judgy again.

            I can tell people don’t think I am all that interesting based off of what people say. When I am bragging on the lead characters I say very encouraging words to them. I tell them that they will cure cancer one day or even better, they will make zero calorie muscle enhancing cupcakes some day. You want to know what they say back? “Oh Neal I love how chill you are and um, well you’re good at tying your shoes” Good at tying my damn shoes, something most six year olds can do. Gee, thanks.

             I am the human you can go months without talking to or even acknowledging on social media like you do your other leading cast member humans you love. If a lead character sees a post from a fellow lead character who posted a picture of a black & mild and a bag of hot cheetos, it will get six millions likes and a host of heart eye comments. Meanwhile I could post a bomb ass selfie with great lighting, with Jesus in the background doing the bank head bounce, and Donald Trump’s resignation letter in my hand and I MIGHT get one comment and a like from my dead great grandmother saying “S0 han dsom e grAn ds0n” (because you know old people can’t type to save their lives). You know what a lead character will do for me? If they are feeling generous they would just screenshot the picture and send it to me via text and say, “Lol you must be bored”. 

            As the support character, we are always expected to be there for the main cast, but that loyalty is not reciprocated. I could make a Facebook post saying “Hey everyone I fell from a 7 story building and broke every bone in my body. I am blessed to be alive all thanks to Vishnu” What will the main characters say? They would text me like two weeks later saying “Hey I saw your status two weeks ago. Hope all is well”.   

           As a supporting character I don’t expect much travel time out of anyone, it’s always expected of me to go out of my boring ass way to go see people. I could move to Ganymede and I will still be expected to travel back to Earth to come see them (Let’s pause for a second. You just asked yourself what Ganymede is didn’t you? Yes you did liar!). Anyway. “Hey why don’t you ever come back to Earth? Do you hate us that much?” No. I just live about 390 million miles away, but you can come see me right? No, that’s right you can’t because even if I lived 20 miles away you would make up an excuse and say you can’t make it because your pet mosquito is still recovering from surgery and you want to be there to support it.

            I’ve grown to accept my role in the universe I guess. Maybe one day I will know what is like to be someone’s lead character. Supporting cast members get awards and praise too right so that’s cool? I could get lucky and get my own spinoff maybe. Maybe even one day I will be the hero.

“Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.” James Baldwin