My Mind Is For VIP Guests Only

We all know that introverts are quiet for the most part, well, around strangers anyway. People LOVE asking us about what is on our mind. First of all, an introvert’s mind is sacred like the Garden of Eden, not some strip club you can just ease your way into. Contrary to what most people assume, I do think about more than just snacks and sleep. Although eating snacks and sleeping are some of the few reasons why I enjoy being human. There is so much activity that takes place in the mind that only introverts can understand.

Why? In an instant, my mind could come up with a solution to achieve world peace and then transition to an orgasmic meal I had weeks ago, which is then followed by my second love called sleep. Introverts are not just being weird assholes when they respond to your “ What’s on your mind?” question with “everything”. Literally so many things are on our mind and not on display for you to read.

The absolute worst thing for you to do though is ask “like what?” For some reason the “like what?” question awakens an irritation in me that even the finest of mental itch crèmes would quiver with fear. Like what you ask? At least follow the “Like what?” question with something of significance. Maybe I want to keep some of my thoughts to myself for the moment, you mind bully.

People always want to know what is on my mind and then mock the information I give them. If you ask me what is on my mind and I tell you comic books and golden double-stuffed Oreos, that is not your cue to laugh. It’s fine, you won’t be laughing when I report your entire life as spam like I do to all of the other humans who crave small talk (the number one killer of introverts). Let’s do a little refresher before we proceed, shall we? Small talk was a tool created by Lucifer and every time people use it, Lucifer smiles because of satisfaction and twirls his weave with his finger like some hooker.

If that illustration wasn’t enough to stop you from using small talk, then all of Middle Earth is doomed. Now let’s go back to discussing the more important matters. I only share my most precious thoughts with people I have strong connections with. Only certain people are allowed to hear my precious and random thoughts.

It all depends on how you ask me. If I feel like you’re being genuine and the conversation isn’t some sick game of small talk, then I might tell you everything and more. Let me be frank, with the right amount of dark liquor and a certain level of attraction (not necessarily physical) for someone, I become more fluid with my thoughts.

I see you reading this and you’re judging me now. Do not judge me, only Hermione Granger can do that. Even if I wanted to, my thoughts are difficult to pick out and articulate some times. That’s like me going to a bakery and picking out my “favorite” pastry when they all look tasty to me. I’d rather not attempt to tell someone what exactly is going on in my mind rather than to trying to say what is going on and then leave my victim confused. Because people are so annoying and I kind of love people, I do my best to reach into my mental Gucci bag to pull out some grand explanation that you probably do not even care about to begin with.

An introvert’s mind isn’t easy to penetrate, but if you keep digging you might just find the diamond you were looking for. If you have ever gotten the chance to have deep conversation with an introvert, you deserve some sort of medal.

“At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” Shonda Rhimes