My Life In Formation

I really wish this article were a tale of me giving my life of sin up and turning my life to our Lord and savior Beyoncé from whom all slayings flow. It’s not though. What you’re about to read is about Uncle Sam’s military formation and how I find it to be utter garbage. I haven’t publicly addressed my military journey until now. Well I think calling it a journey is giving it too much credit. It’s more like a joyride. Not a joyride in the BMW that your Aunt Kelly is in a 20-year lease agreement for, but a joyride in the Jeepers Creepers van with Daredevil driving. And for you non-comic book readers in the audience; Daredevil is blind, that's why you were supposed to laugh.  

In the military, I never know what is going on and there is a new rule or policy every damn day. No one is allowed to question what happens either. Common sense and critical thinking in the Navy/military are forbidden. Your supervisor at work could be making you drink bleach everyday and the moment you speak up about it some old, dusty service member (which is basically all of them) will tell you to stop complaining. They love to tell you, “Well at least you’re getting paid, right?” Uncle Sam loves tradition, but the only traditions I prefer to acknowledge are traditional wings at Wingstop.

Uncle Sam is the type of character to eat a bowl of cereal with a butter knife instead of a spoon. His logic you might ask; well he’s been doing it that way all his life, so it has to be done that way no matter how ineffective it is. The majority of leadership, much like the United States, consists of straight, white men from mainly middle class or higher upbringings. So I am sure they make great decisions considering their diverse pool of knowledge they draw from. Yea, that’s the same demographic of men who built the foundation of this country by killing thousands of…never mind, we’ll discuss that some other time.

All people do in the military is chew tobacco, shoot guns, and pray to Donald Trump three times a day. It isn’t a big happy family who all has your back like I was told during training. People here are good for being in everyone else’s business too. And no, you don’t get paid extra or get smiley faces put on your uniform for being nosy. I hear all sorts of“Grab em by the pussy” talk everyday along with racist, homophobic, trans phobic, and really all the other isms/phobic type of speech. You know, all the talk that someone you love may or may not like. By the way, if you’re letting someone like Donald Trump grab you by the pussy, then I am assuming you probably need your rent paid or a free meal.  Honestly, the people here are more like sheep than anything. More than willing to do or think anything just for a paycheck and benefits.

Let’s actually discuss these awesome benefits that civilians and military sheep think are so awesome. Well we can start with our amazing health benefits with world-renowned medical staff. The healthcare here is a joke. I could walk into the clinic with my leg blown off and ten knots on my head and the doctor would probably tell me to drink more water and prescribe me a box of Lemonheads for the pain. Let’s move on to discuss my beautiful living arrangements that are fully equipped with a mini fridge and no stove to cook on. No stove? Fine I’ll just stuff my mini fridge with Capri Suns and Lunchables; that should give me enough strength for the day for sure. Thank heavens I have a microwave though, I can heat up my gourmet popcorn for dinner. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Anyway, I am fully aware of the type of people Uncle Sam wants or needs in his military and I am not one of them. You all can sit around and see problems, but don’t fight for change all you want to. And no, I don’t necessarily want to quit; I just want Uncle Sam to do better.

“We write because we believe the human spirit cannot be tamed and should not be trained.” Nikki Giovanni